Category Archives: Phonography

Frustration… Resolving ideas is not so easy

(I will apologies now this post is a bit of a ramble- an insight into my brain and how I process things)

I have been back at university for almost 3 weeks now. I know what theme I would like my work to revolve around and that is disabilities and illnesses – primarily hidden, for example illnesses or disabilities that do not reveal themselves for others to see “you look perfectly normal” or “I can’t see you as this”. I will use myself as an example, and I hate saying it but I am a bundle of fruit and nuts.

My name is Kara a.k.a Ruby Blackthorn, I am 22 years old, severely dyslexic, dyspraxic and ADD. I have suffered from sever depression and anxiety since I was 13. As well as insufferable constant headaches and migranes that once again started when I was 13. Pain killers do nothing. And having an abusive step father.
So since the age of 13 I have been plaged with “how can you suffer with constant headaches?” – “what’s wrong with you? Why are you always upset?” Or that one that annoys me so much “you can’t be depressed … Your so cute and cheerful” so after awhile I decided to just hide everything that was wrong with me, I hide my “stupidity” I hide my anger, rage, sadness etc because in the long run it was easier than explaining over and over and not having to deal with peoples words. However things catch up to you… No matter how much you bottle up, tell people you are good, happy, no matter how many nights you cry yourself to sleep because rather than being afraid of the monster under your bed you are more afraid of the people in your own home or those around you.

These are my illnesses/ disabilities, and I guess I want to raise awareness to them and the day to day struggles that myself and other have to go through.

Anyway, I guess to get to my point … I have been hitting my head against a brick wall for the past 3 weeks. I know my theme but not how to go about it or what to do with it. Recently I have gotten into painting and building Warhammer models (I can’t play as it goes over my head), and it is one of the few things that I have been enjoying and helping me relax or at least something that takes my busy mind off of bothering thoughts.

Image below is of one of my warhammer models (fantasy- Tomb Kings)


Anyway once again back on subject … I was building a new model and painting today when I suddenly got an idea for my independent study for university. I guess the point of this post is a semi update/ random blog post about where ideas can pop up out of the blue. I can never just sit down and think of ideas, I generally have to be doing something, whether that is larping, baking, making something, say on the toilet or even that second before I am about to fall asleep.

(Image below is of me building models and my little work station)


What about those of you on the internet? Where do you get you ideas from or what do you do?

Also have any of you have similar experiences as myself with disabilities or illnesses? I would really like to hear from you.

Hope everyone is having a good day.
Ruby x