Category Archives: 3rd year

Hiatus from University …

Although the year is almost up, I have taken a step back from university, mostly due to depression and medical reasons.

I have been stuck in a rut for the past 2 years, and it is getting worse. Not being able to do my work is frustrating beyond belief, I can honestly say I have done nothing university related this year. Determination to succeed is the only thing keeping me on this track. I have goals, ambition that I need to do, it is just going to take me a bit longer than I originally thought.

So even though I am not finishing this year, I will pick up where I started and I will fight through everything in my own time. I will start posting again, maybe daily photos-simple things from around me, mostly phone photos, perhaps even a few things I am working on or older photos I haven’t shared yet to try and get my brain back into photography.

I hope everyone is well, I am not entirely sure about this post, but it is something that I wanted to say. Fingers crossed I will help myself back on the right path.

Ruby Blackthorn

Frustration… Resolving ideas is not so easy

(I will apologies now this post is a bit of a ramble- an insight into my brain and how I process things)

I have been back at university for almost 3 weeks now. I know what theme I would like my work to revolve around and that is disabilities and illnesses – primarily hidden, for example illnesses or disabilities that do not reveal themselves for others to see “you look perfectly normal” or “I can’t see you as this”. I will use myself as an example, and I hate saying it but I am a bundle of fruit and nuts.

My name is Kara a.k.a Ruby Blackthorn, I am 22 years old, severely dyslexic, dyspraxic and ADD. I have suffered from sever depression and anxiety since I was 13. As well as insufferable constant headaches and migranes that once again started when I was 13. Pain killers do nothing. And having an abusive step father.
So since the age of 13 I have been plaged with “how can you suffer with constant headaches?” – “what’s wrong with you? Why are you always upset?” Or that one that annoys me so much “you can’t be depressed … Your so cute and cheerful” so after awhile I decided to just hide everything that was wrong with me, I hide my “stupidity” I hide my anger, rage, sadness etc because in the long run it was easier than explaining over and over and not having to deal with peoples words. However things catch up to you… No matter how much you bottle up, tell people you are good, happy, no matter how many nights you cry yourself to sleep because rather than being afraid of the monster under your bed you are more afraid of the people in your own home or those around you.

These are my illnesses/ disabilities, and I guess I want to raise awareness to them and the day to day struggles that myself and other have to go through.

Anyway, I guess to get to my point … I have been hitting my head against a brick wall for the past 3 weeks. I know my theme but not how to go about it or what to do with it. Recently I have gotten into painting and building Warhammer models (I can’t play as it goes over my head), and it is one of the few things that I have been enjoying and helping me relax or at least something that takes my busy mind off of bothering thoughts.

Image below is of one of my warhammer models (fantasy- Tomb Kings)


Anyway once again back on subject … I was building a new model and painting today when I suddenly got an idea for my independent study for university. I guess the point of this post is a semi update/ random blog post about where ideas can pop up out of the blue. I can never just sit down and think of ideas, I generally have to be doing something, whether that is larping, baking, making something, say on the toilet or even that second before I am about to fall asleep.

(Image below is of me building models and my little work station)


What about those of you on the internet? Where do you get you ideas from or what do you do?

Also have any of you have similar experiences as myself with disabilities or illnesses? I would really like to hear from you.

Hope everyone is having a good day.
Ruby x

Back to University

I am now on my second day back to university, and the realisation that the 3rd and final year is no longer looming ahead , but in fact is here right now. That is a little more than daunting, however also exciting.

I have decided to keep my blog up and running. This will be used to keep track of my thoughts , progress of my university work, personal work, etc. I guess a way to keep my thought in place along side my art journal.

Welcome to the 3rd year …